Life is a transient journey with change being its only constant. Permanent change requires planning, if possible, and evokes feelings of anxiety and resistance. You are familiar with life as it is—hence, anticipating and tolerating transformation is a difficult process. Why? Every major change demands that you let go of something familiar: a behavior pattern, a relationship, a career choice, or life itself. Therefore, traditionally, you crave safety, belonging, and balance (Maslow, 1943). Yet, you are magnetically drawn to one-of-a-kind novelty with an expiration date.
Past generations got excited about a one-time summer concert of their favorite band or the release of a long-anticipated movie (only in cinemas). Today, everything is at your fingertips. You want it—you see it, order it, and consume it. With fewer events on the calendar and fewer items on the menu, past generations experienced less choice pressure and fear of missing out (FOMO). For today’s generation, from the cradle onward life is less insular. Online platforms open the world for immediate consumption of knowledge, exploration, and ever new “highs”. Online meetings and favorite labels—inviting the first online 50 viewers to a new launch at a two-day pop-up event with that special DJ or celebrity present— are the daily chase and hype! Which of your acquaintances will have the most risqué, disappearing snapshot today? It’s hard to keep up with all the drama.
Attempting to walk the fine line between a predictable home and work arrangement that equals long-term security and the titillating rien ne va plus (nothing goes any more) of any fugitive experience becomes more challenging and time consuming, due to the sheer availability of events. Yet mastering the journey of life means to balance between the two!
Remember, it’s not a novelty that humans have an innate attraction to short-lived, elusive and exclusive excitements to spice up or escape everyday life. Pursuing slot machine wins or the sporadic affection of an inconsistent relational partner are just two age-old well-established examples. Known as intermittent reinforcement, these are patterns of reward delivery at irregular intervals that have predated modern technology. One-time-only fashion pop-ups, DJ events, limited edition purses, phones, and other gadgets are but more recent thrills.
Research still yields the same: Irregular reward delivery—aka you do not know when, for how long, or if ever again an event, person, or item will be available—makes you work harder, can be habit forming, and activates your “thrill of the hunt” instinct. Hence, modern-day buzzes such as disappearing messages and short-lived, risqué personal snapshots are just recent phenomena that mark an ancient dilemma: the human condition of opposing needs. Finding balance in duality teeters between your need for stability and for exploration of the short-lived. The path to a peaceful life is to accept the challenge and to integrate and balance both.
In closing, here are some tips to find balance in an increasingly transient life. Please have pen and paper ready to find a permanent home for your thoughts—for your thoughts, when applied to action, become the powerful wings of an eagle and will help you to take flight.
Research still yields the same: Irregular reward delivery—aka you do not know when, for how long, or if ever again an event, person, or item will be available—makes you work harder, can be habit forming, and activates your “thrill of the hunt” instinct. Hence, modern-day buzzes such as disappearing messages and short-lived, risqué personal snapshots are just recent phenomena that mark an ancient dilemma: the human condition of opposing needs. Finding balance in duality teeters between your need for stability and for exploration of the short-lived. The path to a peaceful life is to accept the challenge and to integrate and balance both.
In closing, here are some tips to find balance in an increasingly transient life. Please have pen and paper ready to find a permanent home for your thoughts—for your thoughts, when applied to action, become the powerful wings of an eagle and will help you to take flight.
Five Tips to Find Balance in a Transient Life
PELUK (Embrace)
P – Part with the belief that more and new is always better. If what you already have does not satisfy your long-term wants, what makes you believe an additional pop-up store item, disappearing online snap, or text will do the trick? Start to search within yourself and explore your current bag called life. What do you already own or have purchased? What in your current life provides you with lasting joy, happiness, and satisfaction? Jot it down and contemplate for a while. Then begin focusing on cultivating the positive relationships, activities, and items on your list and start to say good-bye to who and what doesn’t contribute positively. In this way you are creating the change you want to see—a more predictable long-term overhaul of your life. It’s like consistently building a muscle—not a one-time quick fix. Take courage!
E – Embrace the reality that your choices have consequences however light-heartedly you view life. Whatever you put on your plate, it stays there; in adulthood, nobody cleans up your life or makes your bed. You overspent, you pay for it. You enjoy too much of anything, you deal with the consequences (e.g., too much stuff, you pay extra for storage; too many apps, you’ll be squandering your time using them). Let “the power of choice” encourage you to be present and mindful (i.e., consciously plan your life). This includes long-term planning and fleeting pleasures alike.
L – Less is more. Let’s be practical and contemplate: Who or what runs your life? Your emotions? Your need for excitement? The fear of missing out (FOMO)? Pinpoint it and then apply what Linehan (2020) calls your “wise mind”; which is a cross of your reasonable and emotional mind. Let not one of your functions run your entire life!
U – Understand that you cannot outrun change, loss, or life. You cannot, at least not successfully, coverup your feelings with fleeting excitement. Ultimately you must face reality: Everything in life is transient, even life itself will come to an end. Grieving this reality and understanding its blessings means to cherish each day by building meaningful connections with others and by investing in your community. Your legacy is not the ephemera you attended or collected, but the acts of kindness you are remembered by.
K – Keep in mind that balance is a constant, mindful effort to mediate the human condition: The push for more, new, and different and the pull to remain firmly anchored and to experience long-term stability and loving relationships. Accept and make peace with the duality of life.
